


Wish it were me...

by certifiedspaceace



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Hurt with very little comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Injury, Mentioned Ray Narvaez Jr.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29794350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/certifiedspaceace/pseuds/certifiedspaceace
Summary: This is from a writing exercise from my elements of creative writing class
Relationships: Michael Jones/Ray Narvaez Jr.
Kudos: 2





	Wish it were me...

Gavin curled himself up into a ball on the couch as Michael slammed the door. It was unnaturally quiet, especially given how angry Michael had to be.

  
“He’s alive.” That’s all he said. He spoke with none of his usual Michael-ness, his voice was so quiet and flat. No emotion whatsoever, not even anger.

  
“Is he going to be okay?” Gavin was scared, part of him wanted Michael to just yell at him; like he always did.

  
Michael sat down heavily in an armchair, not so much as looking in Gavin’s direction. “Who knows.” He sounded frustrated. At least that was something.

  
Gavin just nodded, not that Michael could see him. As they sat there in silence, Gavin thought back to what happened mere hours ago. The blood, the tears, the screaming. Playing over and over in his head. He wanted to say something, to comfort Michael because Gavin knew he must be hurting right now; but his throat was raw and his voice didn’t seem to want to work. Even so, Gavin wished he could take Michael’s pain, despite the pain he was feeling himself.

  
“Why didn’t you do anything,” Michael said, “you could have helped him. Maybe if did, he would be okay.” Michael huffed angrily, his emotions finally starting to bubble up to the surface past all the numbness. “Maybe if you weren’t so useless…”

  
Gavin felt his eyes tingle, as if he were going to cry. He knew he wouldn’t, he was all out of tears, but the feeling wouldn’t leave. Maybe Michael was right. Maybe he was useless. Maybe there was something more he could have done… No, he did everything he could, why didn’t Michael get that. Get that Gavin was hurting too. That he wished things would have been different. That there was nothing Gavin could have done differently that would have changed the outcome. He wanted to scream his feelings at Michael. Scream until Michael understood. But he knew he couldn’t do that, it wasn’t in his nature. That was Michael’s thing, not his. Instead, he settled on saying, “Don’t talk about what you don’t understand.”

  
“What is there to understand.” Michael stood up, “You failed him, this is all your fault!” He was screaming now. Gavin could see the spit flying through the air, like venom, at him.

  
“How would you know,” Gavin stood up too, angry and numb. Feeling like he was about to snap. “You. Weren’t. There.”  
  
It was clear he had struck a nerve. “Shut the fuck up! You pieces of shit! I wish it was you in there. It should have been you instead of him!” Michael was in his face now.

  
“You don’t mean that.”

  
“Like hell I don’t!” There was a fire in Michael’s eye that, to the untrained person, would seem like he meant every word of what he said. Gavin wasn’t untrained though. He knew Michael better than anyone, even Ray. He could see the pain, the sadness behind those eyes. The pain and anguish that fed those fires. Michael’s default state was anger, it was his comfort zone. He felt safe feeling what he knew. He could hide from the uncertainty with violence and yelling. Gavin wrapped his long arms around Michael’s chest, his face next to Michael’s ear.

  
“I know you’re in pain right now, but you’re not the only one hurting. I wish there was something I could have done. I keep playing it back over and over again in my head, trying to find what I could have done differently. What I could have done to change what happened, but I can’t think of a single thing. But I can’t help but think it should have been me, too.”

  
“Gavin…” Michael was hugging him back. The tone of his voice showed how close to crying he was.

  
“I’m sorry Michael. I’m sorry…” Gavin buried his head in Michael’s neck. “It was all my fault. I should have done something. I should have-” Gavin dry sobbed, he was still out of tears. “I wish it was me. I wish it was me..” His voice cot quitter as he went, trailing off at the end, barely audible.


End file.
